I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
