my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My vagina is officially offended.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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