Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
