Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
