Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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