how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
