my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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