Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
