i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
