i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
