I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
