Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize