I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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