I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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