Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
