Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
