Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
