Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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