very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
