tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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