I'm pants shitting drunk right now
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
