I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You took a bar mat shot.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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