so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
