Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
