So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
