New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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