omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
