He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
