Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
