my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize