Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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