Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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