Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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