My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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