my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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