He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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