420 ftw
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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