..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
