Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
