We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize