Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
