So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
