That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
