I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
