I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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