I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
