You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
