Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
