This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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