his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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