i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
