Will you blow on my dice?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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