I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
