my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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