you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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