i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
