foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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