Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
