I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
