Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
