this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
