so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
