Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
